Today I want to hear about you, reader. Warm or cold culture— or somewhere in between?
Would you like me to publish your response in next week’s blog installment? If so, send it here. Or subscribers, simply hit reply to this message. (And please include your city and state.)
Here are my thoughts to get us started:
I watch myself standing inside our open front door and waving people into our home. I don’t see the people, but I sense there are many. Is there an emergency? I don’t observe it, but my movements are furtive, and urgency marks my words, “Come, come.”
And then the vision ends.
This scene first came to me three years ago and sometimes flits into my mind while I’m engrossed in documentation at work, paying our bills, pumping gas, or thinking of things that have nothing to do with providing safety for the masses.
I hold the vision in my hands and view it from all angles. I treasure it, wonder about it, pray over it. I finally shared it with my family.
“Sounds like you were meant to live in a warm culture,” Ricka said. “Maybe you’re supposed to move.”
And now I really wonder. Seems there’s a reason I reached out often to my inner-city neighbors and invited the kids on the block to play basketball at our place whenever they wanted to. Or a reason I tell people they can come over without calling or texting first and stay for a weekend or a year. Maybe I’m not just a counter-cultural weirdo. Maybe I’d fit best somewhere else. Or not.
This morning, I read about cold and warm cultures to bring clarity to my recurring mental film clip. The terms are connected to climate, but go much farther. The cold culture reflects a deeply ingrained respect for others’ autonomy and boundaries. Individualism, planning, self-reliance, adherence to schedules, moderated emotional expression, privacy, and personal space are priorities that may seem unwelcoming or unfriendly to warm culture individuals. The warm culture values a strong group identity, shows spontaneous hospitality, is relationship-oriented, and tends to rely heavily on body language, lively conversation, physical touch, and emotional expressiveness that may seem intrusive or overwhelming to cold culture individuals.
“Will you be an open house or a closed house?” I ask young couples engaged to be married. Not because one is better than the other but because the cultures are so different they should probably talk about it.
Now I see myself more clearly. I love a schedule and throwing it away for someone who wants to drink coffee with me. I crave punctuality and losing track of time with my people. I choose happy chaos in my home over order in solitude. And I prefer the thought of dying in a house full of people over passing away with only a few loved ones by my side.
What about you, reader? Where are you in this?
*Has My Blonde Life inspired or entertained you? If you wish to toss a tip into my writerly coffers, here's how you can do it: @Tamara-Schierkolk (Venmo), @TamaraSchierkolk (PayPal), or $TamaraSchierkolk (Cash App)
*Names in this blog have been changed to protect my family, neighbors, and friends in the neighborhood, and in a nod of appreciation to the beloved Swedish author Maj Lindman, I’ve renamed my three blondies Flicka, Ricka, and Dicka and their husbands, Snipp, Snapp, and Snurr.